Transition

I think I probably blogged about this when I was pregnant with Mary, but I'm going to write this again. Transition is hard for me. Especially when adding more to our family. I remember holding Sam and weeping toward the end of my pregnancy w/ Mary. I remember thinking it will never be the same, that he's my baby, and that things will be different from now on. Even when Mary was little, I'd sit him in the cart while Mary was in the front near me. I felt like I lost my buddy. The dynamics were different. Through our adoption counseling, I remember being warned that you may not have an instant bond. That your love for your child grows as the relationship grows. I know that now. With a crying, pink, wrinkly newborn you know you love this child, but you wonder if it gets better. And it does. Mary has developed her own personality. She is stubborn and independent. If you ask to hold her hand down the stairs, she pulls away and says, "I do it!" If you ask her what a cat says, she responds "meow" in the saddest, pathetic way ever. Like she feels sorry for the poor cat. If you ask her to come upstairs, if she wants a cracker, or if she wants to play with Sam, she'll say "Okay" in this silly southern accent that sounds like Paula Dean. She loves saying good morning to Sam and will wave at him saying, "Hi Sammy!" until he responds. She's lost without Sam. She always says his name and will look for him if he's not in the same room. Sam is just as sweet with her. He will be with me and then say, "I'll be right back. I'm going to check on Mary." Or he'll give her snuggles and they'll play and laugh and wrestle. One night I was reading a story to them in our bed, and Mary layed on his lap and they held hands and Sam kept kissing her saying, "I luz you, Mary." He also likes to play story time with her. He will "read" to her and say, "come sit, Mary. It's story time, not play time." Needless to say, it's better than I ever thought it could have been. Yes, the transition is difficult, but I still get individual snuggle time with them, and I couldn't imagine our family without sweet little Mary Ellen. Even today Mary woke up early from her nap and I snuggled her for 45 minutes while she slept on my large, jumping tummy. And yes, having a new baby will be tricky at first (3 in diapers!) but I know we'll get to the point where we will not be able to remember what life was like before Adelaide. I already wonder what her personality will be, what she'll look like, if she'll have her daddy's brains or her mommy's (hilarious) sense of humor. I can't wait. I'm due in nine days...can't wait to meet you Adelaide Joy.

Adventures in Potty Training

Oh. My. Goodness. I have been putting off potty training as long as I possibly could, but now that Sam is 3, and showing some interest and signs of readinesss...I supposed I'll give it a go. Besides, we will have baby #3 in about 6 weeks, and 2 in diapers should be better than 3 in diapers, right? Things actually have gone pretty well. Yesterday we went to Target and bought big boy undies, yummy snacks, an extra potty chair, and a toilet seat cover that is designed for toddlers. I also had my sticker incentive chart ready to go, pretzels to make Sam thirsty, and the enthusiasm...so I thought. Here are a few issues I've had: -Our multi-level is a killer. It is SO choppy, and when we're sticking around the house, it's hard not to be too mobile w/ 2 active toddlers. Up and down for snack rewards, stickers, lugging the potty chair up and down, etc.etc.etc. Sam also seems to favor the "gray comfy seat" (the toilet cover) as opposed to his potty chair. I have a friend bringing over a few extra potty chairs to help w/ this. I'm going to have one in the kitchen, one on the deck, & one in the basement. I also have one to take w/ me in the car. -Poop. Sam has gone poop in the potty chair before. But he's freaked out about it now. Yesterday he didn't go at all. I know that kids who are potty training can get constipated b/c of this, so I'm avoiding milk, cheese, and bananas for him for now. Today I told him I'd even put on a diaper for him to just go poopy and then we'll switch back to big boy undies. He agreed. This eventually stops, right? -Being naked. Sam HATES this. I put on a longer t-shirt yesterday and kept him w/o undies so he'd realize when he was peeing. He hated it. He did pee all over the deck while he was drawing on the patio door w/ window markers (into the door track, which was awesome to clean up). He freaked out a little bit and it scared him. So halfway through the day I put his undies on. He did fine. But TODAY he had 3 accidents, 1 of which was my fault b/c he ran upstairs to use the gray comfy seat and it wasn't on the toilet so he didn't make it in time. He kept asking to put his diaper back on, but I reassured him and said we're just practicing and that it's okay to make accidents. That Daddy did too, and his cousins, friends, etc. He settled down then. -Pulling up the undies. This is a little tricky for Sam. He's still "acting" like a baby (literally) and pretends he can't put on his clothes. But if he's trying to go play and do something he WANTS to do, he miraculously figures it out. I'm trying to be the cheerleader and not be negative about this PT thing, so I help when he asks. -MARY ELLEN. Oh my goodness. I think this has been the most difficult aspect (besides the fact that my back is shot and I'm 34 weeks pregnant.) I cannot keep ahead of her! She's sitting on Sam's lap in the potty chair, standing in it, dragging it around to try to climb things, trying to eat the Cheerio that (was) Sam's "target" when he chooses to stand to pee, etc. etc. She has such a different personality than Sam. Sam is always safe and clean. She's my risktaker-- a climber who loves to get dirty! And NO I do not see signs of readiness in Mary for potty training. She's not there AT ALL. And frankly, neither am I. :) For instance: -All at the same time today, in the hot sticky humidity outside, Mary ran off and was playing in the mud, after I told her no (okay for later, but not right before lunch/naps...don't have the energy to scrub her down.) Sam peed his pants and was freaking out. I was so hot and got both kids cleaned up and then I needed a shower. So I put Mary in her crib like our routine w/ some books. Once I was out and drying off, I heard a BANG. Mary had climbed out of her crib and fell HARD. She cried so hard. Scared me half to death. Of course Jason is traveling and couldn't lower her crib tonight (he's gone for 3 days). I didn't want to mess w/ it to be careful w/ my back, so my dad came over and lowered it before naps. I'm praying she stays in there, little Mogli! Later, Sam peed his pants again (as noted before...the toilet wasn't ready) and then he slammed his fingers in the patio door, and then accidentally slammed the screen door onto my ankle while I was trying to walk out onto the deck. It felt like my ankle was crushed. Add this to being in the basement for a change of scenery, and me lugging the potty chair downstairs so Sam could go. He peed, and I was cleaning it up in the storage area, the place w/ the sink. Not the safest place for kids to play. Mary's by the water heater and pulling things off the shelves, out of storage. I'm trying to quickly clean up pee and get Sam's sticker and snack and set the timer for the next attempt. In the mean time, I'm trying to schedule physical therapy and Mary HATES when I'm on the phone. I literally had to go up to the top floor from the basement, with both kids screaming after me, while I eventually locked myself into our bathroom in the back corner of the house to finish a 2 minute phone call. IT HAS BEEN A DAY. PS- Remember the door track that was covered in pee yesterday? Well, after Sam uses the window markers on the patio door, he takes the spray bottle and drenches it, so colored marker-water fills the track again. After cleaning that up a few times today, the markers and spray bottle are put away. Did I mention I'm trying to be a cheerleader and get new fun things out to play w/ since we need to stick around the house while potty training?! That has been the most challenging. Usually we're out and about. But we're stuck here, timing the potty attempts, "celebrating," and playing referee. And Jason's traveling. I also am trying to clean out Sam's dresser and closet to make room for Mary's stuff since we're moving her into Sam's room this weekend. I need to go through Mary's closet next then prep all the baby gear for Adelaide's room. I thought having a couple indoor projects would be helpful since we have to stick around here for a few days. Ha! Lord help me. SUCCESSES: Even though Sam has a had a couple accidents today, he's gone in the potty 8 times!!! Many of which was his initiation! He also woke up w/ a BONE DRY diaper this morning! Woo hoo! PS- Can I just say I think it's funny what I used to define as "stress"? When I'd be home from college in the summers, I'd sleep in, spend a couple hours at the gym, and then the afternoon at the pool. My biggest issue was what to wear that night if I were going out, and I'd get yummy drive-thru somewhere, shop, sleep, and hang out w/ friends. Now I can barely take a shower w/o an almost-visit to the ER. Kids certainly change everything! I can't imagine potty training w/ all of the newborn stress. Good thing Sam is actually doing well. He's really really proud. :)

Pregnant. Again.

Oh. My. Goodness. It's funny...when I was pregnant w/ Sam, I had the "first blog entry" saved as a draft until a "safe" date to announce. When you're already chasing around 2 toddlers, you don't have a "saved draft." You sometimes forget to take your prenatal vitamin and wonder if you even had any water for the day. :)

This is...well, unexpected. I joke w/ Jason that lately I barely fold his underwear and we're pregnant. Since I have NEVER had regular cycles (if any) and have PCOS and am considered "anovulatory" (don't ovulate), after years of trying, we finally went to a fertility specialist. She pretty much said I had a 15-30% chance of ever conceiving, and it'd be with fertility drugs that WOULD make me ovulate.

Hmmmm....well, I had one cycle after Sam. Pregnant 10 months later. One cycle after Mary. Pregnant again. I'm sorry, people. This seems like a miraculous conception to me. :)

So...3 kids under 3. You do the math. It may be years again where I actually eat a meal without cutting up small bites for the little people at the table. Or don't have my hands caked in Desitin. But you know what? I prayed for a baby. Even just one. And for some reason God has blessed me with two beautiful, healthy children and now one on the way (due July 20th). I also get early ultrasounds b/c the doctors never know when I ovulated. So I've had two ultrasounds, have seen the baby's heartbeat. And I got to HEAR it last week at my first OB appointment. My doctor just laughed. I feel like I should get a punch card there. :) Is my 3rd visit free?

Also, many of you may be concerned about my back. At my 3-month follow-up from surgery, I couldn't even have an x-ray done. My surgeon also laughed and just said, "We've been busy, have we?" How embarrassing. :) Well, I'm thankful I had the disc replacement surgery. I can tell I've gotten quite a bit of feeling and strength back in both legs. And yes, I'm still stiff and have nerve pain. Since I had a disc replacement (and not a fusion) I still have motion there. (Fusions eliminate mobility and cause stress on the adjacent vertebrae, probably resulting in future fusions.) SO when I move once in awhile, I'll have pain b/c there's scar tissue that gets irritated. So if it's the bottom of my foot, I can say, "Oh, that's my S-1 scar tissue." Weird how much you can be educated on an issue after dealing with it for awhile! :) But walking and ice and Tylenol has helped immensely. The surgeon was glad I had the surgery BEFORE pregnancy (in fact recommended it if I did want any more kids). He just said to keep my abs strengthened and watch weight gain. No pressure. :) More steamed veggies, please?

This pregnancy is just ALOT sooner than expected. But again, we're excited. It will be crazy going from a family of 2 to a family of 5 in just a few short years. Please pray for a safe and healthy pregnancy for both baby and me. :) Oh, now off to mini-van shopping...

Merry Christmas

Wow. Last year was SUCH a blur. I had Mary on Dec. 3rd and herniated my disc on Dec. 14th. Last Christmas is literally a blur. I think I'd had an epidural and was on a ton of pain medication.

SO this year...I have my two babies. Sam is really "getting" Christmas this year (the Santa part, not the Jesus part...trying to teach about baby Jesus who came to take away the sin of the world and then a few months later talk about the fact that he's now an adult, died, and rose again...a little steep for my 2 year old.) Anyway, he's really excited about stockings, the tree, Christmas lights. It's SO very sweet.

Mary Ellen is so darn cute. She's been into making lion sounds and waving and saying "Hi Sa." (for Hi Sam.) When she wakes up in the morning, she just sits in her crib waving constantly and smiling. In the dark. At no one. It is PRECIOUS. We also play this game w/ her pacifier. I hold it in my teeth and drop it onto her face and say, "AH!" And she laughs hysterically.

SO now that life's getting relatively normal (what is normal, anyway?) I'm excited about the holidays. About being w/ my family. About seeing my kiddos grow and interact more and more. We are so abundantly blessed. God has been SO FAITHFUL through such a difficult year. Thank you, Jesus.

$55,485.86

That is how much only PART of my surgery was. Remember the previous post about how disc replacements are usually not covered by insurance? People actually would prefer to have a disc replacement rather than a fusion because it usually means less chance of another surgery (less friction on adjacent vertebrae). But since this is a fairly new technology, insurance companies sometimes consider it "experimental." I've read stories about people switching jobs, getting laid off, trying to find an insurance company that would cover this, etc. People are "wishing" they could get a disc replacement. But who has 60-70K laying around since insurance won't cover it? Today I received one of the many "explanation of benefits" today that said:

Amount billed: $55,485.86
Amount covered: 100%.

Even at my follow-up appointment my surgeon asked if I'd heard anything from the insurance company. I said no. He said I was literally the first patient he'd had who had this procedure covered by insurance.

Can I say PRAISE THE LORD?!? This is totally and completely GOD'S doing. Thank you Jesus for even this technology that's available. For a good recovery. For an amazing world-renown surgeon whose office is less than a mile from my house and also knows You. Thank you for amazing baby-sitters, friends, and family who helped w/ kiddos, brought meals, and cleaned our house. I am blessed beyond measure.

A Mommy's Love

I am in awe of our many blessings. While recovering from surgery, there have been people we don't even know from church bring us meals! It has been such a blessing! To not have to think about "what's for dinner" and have a few extra moments to rest has been amazing.

I also had such a special day the other day w/ little Sammy. We went on a walk together, and while we were walking, he held my hand the entire time. The WHOLE time. It was so precious. Usually he's off and running through the grass, or laying on the ground, being 2, refusing to go anywhere. But he just talked and talked with me and asked about the people in all of the houses we walked by, the sky, clouds, airplanes, dogs, etc. I never want to forget that day.

Mary has been so sweet as well. She is a risk-taker! She has NO fear. She will crawl and go as fast as she can, wherever she can. Today I heard a rustle in the living room and I came out to see she had torn pages out of my Bible and was eating them. Yes, eating the Bible. Hilarious! Since Sam's high chair is lowered all the way, he was eating lunch, and Mary crawled up and put her chin right on the tray and smiled and laughed at Sam. It was so sweet. She also leans at the waist, while sitting, all the way down to the floor to pick up a crumb (or dirt or whatever) and will eat it or lick it up. Gross! She is definitely putting EVERYTHING in her mouth lately!

Oh, these children are such a blessing. Sometimes my heart hurts because I love them so much. I feel sad when I'm away from them too long and just desire their snuggles. Their closeness. You always "hear" about the bond of a mommy w/ her children, but until you've really experienced it, you have no idea. It's the most amazing, scary, vulnerable feeling you'll ever have. And I wouldn't change it for the world.

Ow

I'm just writing this on here b/c it's not really FB material. And even though this is a public blog, I only get comments from gals I know. So that justifies this vent: OW! My cycle comes rarely on it's own, and this is one of my first since I had Mary (10 months) ago. So it's painful. Also b/c I have a 14-day incision directly under my belly button for my disc replacement it's very tender and sore there anyway. So I feel like I'm having contractions. OW!!!!